


Diplomacy

by Lisse



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Naruto
Genre: 5 Things, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-29
Updated: 2008-12-29
Packaged: 2018-02-13 23:36:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2169651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisse/pseuds/Lisse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five diplomatic incidents the Hidden Mountain refuses to discuss (and the Hidden Leaf has probably forgotten about anyway).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Diplomacy

1.

Years later, Jiraiya doesn't remember exactly why Hiruzen-sensei drags him and his team to the Hidden Mountain, beyond the fact that it involves a tentative peace treaty and that dire threats are made about what will happen to certain genin if they don't behave themselves.

He also doesn't really remember the very first Mountain genin to approach them - just a vague impression of a friendly boy around his age, the rising star of his strange little village, who manages to come across in a few short sentences as one of the most trustworthy, _likable_ people Jiraiya will ever meet.

What Jiraiya _does_ remember - in crisp, perfect detail - is Orochimaru stepping protectively in front of his teammates, balling one small hand into a fist, and punching the Mountain-nin hard enough to break his jaw.

("There's something wrong with him," he says later, after the peace treaty is well and truly scrapped and Hiruzen-sensei has banished them to the worst D-rank missions for a month. "There's something wrong with him and no one sees it. That's why he's dangerous."

Jiraiya takes this as conclusive proof that his teammate is out of his gourd.)

 

2.

"Your idea sucks," the Mountain-nin says.

Minato has always been a patient person - his choice of inconvenient crush proves this point - but all the same, he can't quite stop himself from rolling his eyes. "Yours is better?"

"Mine is _excellent_ ," the Mountain-nin says. He pushes his glasses up his nose with a bit more dramatic flair than necessary. "I'd go so far as to say mine is a ground-breaking achievement in ninjutsu tactics."

"Yours is dropping a deer on a squad of Stone-nin."

The Mountain-nin looks affronted for a moment - or perhaps he was just waiting for an excuse to wave his summoning scroll around like a sword; it's difficult to tell with him. "A herd of deer," he says. " _Multitudes_ of deer. _Platoons_ of deer."

"They're still deer."

The Mountain-nin tucks his scroll back in its pouch and claps Minato on the shoulder in what's probably meant to be a consoling sort of way. "Don't worry. It's only natural to be jealous in the face of brilliance."

"I liked you better when our villages were enemies," Minato says.

 

3.

Neither village ever finds out exactly what transpires between Kushina and one of the Mountain's younger poison specialists. The Mountain-nin lands in the hospital with a concussion and claims to have no memory of the incident; Kushina just spends the afternoon telling Minato (loudly, at length, with dramatic gestures) that certain creeps with redhead fetishes need to stay the hell away from her.

 

4.

Quite by accident, Kakashi's ANBU squad finds itself caught up in the confusing final days of one of the Mountain's many civil wars - one of the livelier ones, if the fireworks and spontaneous dancing in the streets is anything to go by.

Everyone gets out alive and well, although Tenzou keeps asking what a toddler has to do with overthrowing a psychotic kage and Aoba is mistaken for said toddler's long-lost relative at least three times before they manage to sneak out of the village.

Ibiki just seems none too impressed by the Mountain's security and mutters derisive things about vigilance the whole way back to the Leaf.

 

5.

"I'm a Shuzaya," the Mountain boy says - stubborn and proud even in a Sound cell, the lines of his clan tattoo sharp across his nose and cheeks.

Sasuke flips through the bingo book, past pages and pages of jounin and chuunin with the same tattoo and the same red hair and the same list of crimes and the same name, brothers and parents and even a little sister to complete the list. They're all alive and presumably well; none of the pictures are crossed out.

"I'm the one near the end," the boy says. "Rokuro. Means sixth son," he adds with a shrug, as if to explain why his clan can populate half a bingo book all by itself.

Sasuke doesn't bother to answer.

(Just for a moment, he knows what it's like to hate someone just as much as he hates his older brother.)


End file.
